I'm soo pissed at myself, I could spit nails.

I'm 143....back in March I was 145....the other day I was 137...

Bottom line...after two and a half solid months of not having beer, eating better and exercising...I'm still practically where I started from.

120 by my birthday (May 20th)...what the hell was I THINKING!

130?? Nope.

Not even close.

Yeh, yeh, muscle weighs more, I've had lunch...been eating a couple too many sodium filled dill pickles...but still, come on...I've barely lost 5lbs in two months.

I say ramp it up...but I'm not...not enough.

My clothes still fit badly...I still hate looking at myself in the mirror...I have this thing in the middle getting in the way on all kinds of levels...



Moon in Scorpio...feeling intense anger and spitefulness towards myself.

I am soooo pissed....did I mention something about nails already.

Going to go help spread some mulch in the garden...burn off a few calories...

GAWD

The other day I weighed myself...UGH 142????? I'm eating better...haven't missed a day of working out in a month, I take the stairs two at a time...no beer since March 1st...

142??? WT ever lovin' F????

I was discouraged. And my clothes aren't fitting that much better.

I am no where near my goal weight I had set my sights on two months ago.

I had to really give myself a pep talk. I had to remind myself that yes, maybe it's the ole "muscle weighs more than fat" thing...I had to remind myself that the exercising was helping me from the inside out and giving my body a better over all infrastructure.

I had better flexibility, not like in my dancing days but better than 3 months ago!

Then I measured myself. I had gone from a 35" waist to a 32'1-/2?? I couldn't believe it. My top half and bottom had decreased by 1/8-1/4th inch. So it said to me, well Michele, you might not be drastically changing...but you are changing little-by-little.

So don't stop short of the finish line. Don't stop now.

Bday is two weeks away...no I'm not going to be 120 like I had hoped...or 130 like I had envisioned a month ago. I'll be lucky if I can weigh 138 with the slow way I lose weight. But it'll be better than the 145 I started out at on March 1st.

And finally I looked at myself square in the eye in the mirror and I admitted that while I was better about working out than I used to be, I was no where near where I knew I could be and so my results reflected the energy I was putting into it. You get what you put in to it...get a clue Michele...what does that tell you?

m.