The other day I weighed myself...UGH 142????? I'm eating better...haven't missed a day of working out in a month, I take the stairs two at a time...no beer since March 1st...

142??? WT ever lovin' F????

I was discouraged. And my clothes aren't fitting that much better.

I am no where near my goal weight I had set my sights on two months ago.

I had to really give myself a pep talk. I had to remind myself that yes, maybe it's the ole "muscle weighs more than fat" thing...I had to remind myself that the exercising was helping me from the inside out and giving my body a better over all infrastructure.

I had better flexibility, not like in my dancing days but better than 3 months ago!

Then I measured myself. I had gone from a 35" waist to a 32'1-/2?? I couldn't believe it. My top half and bottom had decreased by 1/8-1/4th inch. So it said to me, well Michele, you might not be drastically changing...but you are changing little-by-little.

So don't stop short of the finish line. Don't stop now.

Bday is two weeks away...no I'm not going to be 120 like I had hoped...or 130 like I had envisioned a month ago. I'll be lucky if I can weigh 138 with the slow way I lose weight. But it'll be better than the 145 I started out at on March 1st.

And finally I looked at myself square in the eye in the mirror and I admitted that while I was better about working out than I used to be, I was no where near where I knew I could be and so my results reflected the energy I was putting into it. You get what you put in to it...get a clue Michele...what does that tell you?

m.

Yeh, so the first thing in the morning, I'm that and then an hour later I'm this...so I average 140. Been coming in at 140 consistently for about a week or two if you "average" the morning and the pm weights and I know, I know, I shouldn't even bother with the scale and yet, it's the obsession! I should have fiance just hide it in his office for the next few weeks.

I think I'm starting to see a tiny bit of change. This was the first day since living up here (been here since April 2, 2006) that I've ever stepped foot outside on our porch wearing my exercise clothes so I guess the fact I felt comfortable enough to do that should tell me something of where I'm at in my head.

I still can't fit into that dress of mine the one I want to wear to our friend's wedding but I'll have a back up. I'm not going to put that kind of stress on myself. It took me 22 months to move from a 6-10, it's going to take longer than the next three weeks to lose it. And I figure since this is a way of life (again for me, like it used to be...)I can afford to take it easy on myself and just steady as she goes it.

m.

Still feel frustrated that I'm not losing the lbs and inches but the other day I did fit back into a pair of size 8 pants (yeh they were stretch, whataboutit?

Even though I don't really see any changes, fiance assures me he does. But I just obsess over every wrong thing about me, weight and inches not-with-standing.

BUT despite my frustrations and uncertainty that I'm really making any headway...I forget ahead with only a month ago until my birthday. I sooo wanted to have been 120 but that ain't gonna' happen.

5'2 and 141 just doesn't cut it for me.

I don't even know if I can do 130...that's just not realistic and hell I was hoping to be 138 by now. But here I sit, still in my 140s and on a good day, 139.

I will continue exercising and trying to drink more water. I started to slack off a bit the past month. I hate the feeling of always having to piss!!!! But as I don't have a job anymore that holds me in the classroom, I should take advantage of being able to go to the bathroom anytime I want to...so drink up Michele...no 'scuses!!!

And continue to ramp up the work out...don't stop short of the finish line.

Tonite I watched THE BIGGEST LOSER...

I was working out AS I watched it.

Afterwards I went up and did something I hadn't done since July 24th, 2005...I went upstairs and I tried on this gorgeous dress that my fiance bought me (a la Pretty Woman) for our week long first date in Orlando!

It was a size 6.

It didn't fit.

It made me sad. I realized tho' how far I have to go if I want to fit into it for this stupid wedding I have to attend on May 24th...4 days before my 46th bday.

Time to ramp up my damn weight loss program. I don't overeat so it's all about more cardio....more working out.

I was so disheartened. I didn't realize how much it didn't fit me.

ugh.

m.

Well, I reached my goal for the week. Had I not taken a whole 5 days off of working out in March, I might be down to 137 but ack, can't go back in time.

Measurements for the week:

Last Sunday-142.6 Today 139.6

36% of me is FAT Nothing has changed there.

On March 23rd I was 38-1/2 and today I was 37

Around the waist I was 35 then and I'm 34 now.

Around the mommy pooch I was 38 then and I'm 37 now.

Hips last time 39" and today 38-1/2

So the weight has come down about a pound-pound and a half but it's also starting to show in inches.

My goal inches are the original 36-29-36 I was July '05.

Man, I remember when I was 17...I was 33-22-33! I know because we were always being measured for costumes and stuff. At 19 I was 34-23-34--those were the days.

Slow and easy as a friend reminds me...slow and easy!

37 more days until my birthday...41 until that stoopid wedding....

So many pounds so little time!